Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
