did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
