sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
