It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Small penises have feelings too.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
