they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
