worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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