i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
