Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
