I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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