guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
