too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
