Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
