so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
