david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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