Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
