just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
