i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
