We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
