So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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