Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
