ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
