I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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