Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
