I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
