I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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