I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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