Define "chronic" masturbator.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
