she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
