the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
