I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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