maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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