he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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