Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
