god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
