so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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