i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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