i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
