I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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