she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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