Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
