Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
