the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My ass is underappreciated
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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