Nicole vs. Life
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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