Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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