I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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