I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
