some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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