Michael Bay diarrhea
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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