alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
