i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
