the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
